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The Hardest Thing
Jun. 30th, 2013 10:54 pmHe's been a cop as long as he can remember, it feels like - retiring was the hardest thing ever did outside of signing the divorce papers. Really, they were one in the same. When she left... when Maddie left... nothing felt right anymore. Not watching Shawn piss his life away. Not sleeping in his own house.
Certainly not serving on the force. Not when he couldn't go a night without drinking until he manage to sleep or when making an arrest never felt like enough. He could never do enough... never be enough.
Henry Spencer came back from Florida a change man, and suddenly he could be helpful again. Living in their house - his house now - wasn't as hard as it had been, and every day it got a little easier.
And then Karen. Karen Vick changed his life. She was the one who brought him back to the force, granted only in an advisory position but still it was just like being a detective again.
Karen was the one who let him be the man he needed to be again. The man that fell in love with her.
He has to do it, he has to make things right so that they can be together without putting her job and his credibility in jeopardy - they've already come far too close and sooner or later they will have to go public with what is going on.
It is with a heavy heart,
His pen shakes as he writes, the tip of his tongue rolling over his lower lip as he forces himself to write the same lines he'd written a lifetime ago. Keeping it professional, to the point, he finishes with quick strokes of the pen.
I am afraid that I must formally resign my position as contractor liaison with the Santa Barbara Police Department.
It's time to open a new chapter in his life and take what may come with it. For her sake. For his sake. It's time.
Henry Spencer
Certainly not serving on the force. Not when he couldn't go a night without drinking until he manage to sleep or when making an arrest never felt like enough. He could never do enough... never be enough.
Henry Spencer came back from Florida a change man, and suddenly he could be helpful again. Living in their house - his house now - wasn't as hard as it had been, and every day it got a little easier.
And then Karen. Karen Vick changed his life. She was the one who brought him back to the force, granted only in an advisory position but still it was just like being a detective again.
Karen was the one who let him be the man he needed to be again. The man that fell in love with her.
He has to do it, he has to make things right so that they can be together without putting her job and his credibility in jeopardy - they've already come far too close and sooner or later they will have to go public with what is going on.
It is with a heavy heart,
His pen shakes as he writes, the tip of his tongue rolling over his lower lip as he forces himself to write the same lines he'd written a lifetime ago. Keeping it professional, to the point, he finishes with quick strokes of the pen.
I am afraid that I must formally resign my position as contractor liaison with the Santa Barbara Police Department.
It's time to open a new chapter in his life and take what may come with it. For her sake. For his sake. It's time.
Henry Spencer
A Proper Apology (locked to Karen Vick)
Dec. 7th, 2012 08:26 pmHe's been an idiot, and unlike most men he's absolutely sure of it when he has been. Maybe not at the time, but soon enough after the fact that if he's lucky - when he's lucky - he can make up for it... and hopefully not lose what he had hoped would be the second love of his life.
The girl... he couldn't even remember her name after what happened... she had been a mistake pure and simple. He had no right looking at a girl that young. And really, he had no place looking at someone that wasn't the woman who held his heart.
He'd gone the only way he knew how - a bouquet of roses and a bottle of wine laced with apologies sitting beside him in the truck as he waited until Iris' window went dark and only a small living room lamp remained lit.
With a deep breath, prepared for the worst, he knocks at her door and waits for her to answer it.
The girl... he couldn't even remember her name after what happened... she had been a mistake pure and simple. He had no right looking at a girl that young. And really, he had no place looking at someone that wasn't the woman who held his heart.
He'd gone the only way he knew how - a bouquet of roses and a bottle of wine laced with apologies sitting beside him in the truck as he waited until Iris' window went dark and only a small living room lamp remained lit.
With a deep breath, prepared for the worst, he knocks at her door and waits for her to answer it.
OOM: The Women Henry Loves
Oct. 2nd, 2012 10:27 pm[ooc: Set prior to episode 6.08 "The Tao of Gus")
The sun hasn't yet raised when Henry Spencer puts on his favorite Hawaiian shirt and a pair of khaki shorts, the boat is already prepared and the truck’s been gassed up… he just can’t sleep for the life of him. Not when every time he closes his eyes he’s overwhelmed with the knowledge that only hours before a wonderful woman had been wrapped in his arms, loving him as much as he loves her… and soon after the sun began to warm the California coast he’ll be out on his boat with Karen and her daughter – trying his best not to screw it all up.
Which is why, he tells himself, that he’s doing the math to figure out what time it is in Madeline’s world and dialing her number like he had a hundred years ago when he’d call her from Tom Blair’s after one too many drinks and couldn't even fool himself into thinking he was within legal limits.
“Jesus, Henry… you’re too old to make a drunken booty call.” Madeline’s voice answers and he can’t help but grin.
“Love you too, Maddy.”
“Henry, it’s three in the morning in California. If you’re not drunk, you’re getting ready to go fishing.”
“The latter for almost the last decade.” He still can’t help but smile, hearing the teasing long-standing admiration in her voice. “I, uh… I just wanted to ask you something before you’re too busy and I’m too stubborn to ask it.”
“Oh? A Henry Spencer question… I’m all ears.”
“Hey, this isn't easy for me and you know that.”
Madeline was quiet for a long moment and he could hear her moving into another room and closing the door. Alone. “Alright, Henry. What’s going on?”
He doesn't even know what he wants to say to her, something about Karen and what’s going on and before he knows it he’s asking; “Remember when we first fell in love?”
“Hot and heavy, like a hundred years ago…” Madeline laughs and continues; “why? That’s ancient history, Henry…”
He knows where she’s going with it and that she’s going to ask if he’s missing her and he can’t go down that road. Not anymore. “I… I think I’m in love.”
Another long silence and then she laughs. “In love? Another whirlwind Henry Spencer romance? Last I heard you were still playing the dating game.”
“I, uh… I got lucky.” So very lucky. Luckier than he ever thought he could be. “ We've been going out a couple months, but… you know how it is.”
“Oh dear.” She sighs and then laughs again; “Oh, honey… Henry… sweetheart….”
“I love her,” he says with more conviction than before, sure that what he’s saying is the absolute truth. “And, uh… she loves me too.”
“That’s wonderful! I’m really happy for you.”
A long silence draws between them and eventually he realizes there’s a lump in his throat. His mind is going back to the empty box in his sock drawer, to the ring he’d been saving for some day when Shawn got married that he knew all too well was currently in his son’s possession. “I’m going to ask her to marry me. Not right now, I mean… not any time soon, but she’s the one. I think she’s the only other woman I could ever see myself loving as much as I love you.”
Love. Not loved. No, he’ll always love her – she was his wife, and he’d abused that by cheating on her with his job. Now Karen is his job… she knows what it’s like to be a cop’s wife because she’s been married to the force just as long as he was.
He’s not shocked by Madeline’s silence, not even worried. She’s right, it’s troubling. It’s too soon. He has no right to be thinking about things like proposing and making good with her daughter. He should be thinking about their next date and whether or not he can afford to buy her that bracelet that he caught her looking at online.
“That’s nice.” She replies calmly, with that same clinical tone that she’s always used when she’s thinking like a psychologist and not a wife or a mother. “So, uh… your lady love got a name?”
Henry almost doesn’t tell her, but he knows it’s better to hear it from him than after Shawn finds out. “Karen.” He sighs, licking his lips before finishing; “Karen Vick.”
“As in Chief Vick? As in your boss?”
“As in my friend. Okay? Her marriage was falling apart and I… I was there to pick up the pieces.”
“That is just like you, Henry.” Her clinical tone vanishes, replaced with an almost bitter mix of humor and sarcasm; “You always feel like you need a project.”
“I know, Maddy… but this is different. She’s not like the roof or the boat or the coffee table… I really do love her.”
There’s another brief silence and he hears an intercom beep. “I have to go, Henry. Thank you for telling me, just… be careful, okay? Don’t rush this.”
“I won’t.” He swallows again, the words lingering on his lips even as he hears the line go silent; “Thank you.”
The sun hasn't yet raised when Henry Spencer puts on his favorite Hawaiian shirt and a pair of khaki shorts, the boat is already prepared and the truck’s been gassed up… he just can’t sleep for the life of him. Not when every time he closes his eyes he’s overwhelmed with the knowledge that only hours before a wonderful woman had been wrapped in his arms, loving him as much as he loves her… and soon after the sun began to warm the California coast he’ll be out on his boat with Karen and her daughter – trying his best not to screw it all up.
Which is why, he tells himself, that he’s doing the math to figure out what time it is in Madeline’s world and dialing her number like he had a hundred years ago when he’d call her from Tom Blair’s after one too many drinks and couldn't even fool himself into thinking he was within legal limits.
“Jesus, Henry… you’re too old to make a drunken booty call.” Madeline’s voice answers and he can’t help but grin.
“Love you too, Maddy.”
“Henry, it’s three in the morning in California. If you’re not drunk, you’re getting ready to go fishing.”
“The latter for almost the last decade.” He still can’t help but smile, hearing the teasing long-standing admiration in her voice. “I, uh… I just wanted to ask you something before you’re too busy and I’m too stubborn to ask it.”
“Oh? A Henry Spencer question… I’m all ears.”
“Hey, this isn't easy for me and you know that.”
Madeline was quiet for a long moment and he could hear her moving into another room and closing the door. Alone. “Alright, Henry. What’s going on?”
He doesn't even know what he wants to say to her, something about Karen and what’s going on and before he knows it he’s asking; “Remember when we first fell in love?”
“Hot and heavy, like a hundred years ago…” Madeline laughs and continues; “why? That’s ancient history, Henry…”
He knows where she’s going with it and that she’s going to ask if he’s missing her and he can’t go down that road. Not anymore. “I… I think I’m in love.”
Another long silence and then she laughs. “In love? Another whirlwind Henry Spencer romance? Last I heard you were still playing the dating game.”
“I, uh… I got lucky.” So very lucky. Luckier than he ever thought he could be. “ We've been going out a couple months, but… you know how it is.”
“Oh dear.” She sighs and then laughs again; “Oh, honey… Henry… sweetheart….”
“I love her,” he says with more conviction than before, sure that what he’s saying is the absolute truth. “And, uh… she loves me too.”
“That’s wonderful! I’m really happy for you.”
A long silence draws between them and eventually he realizes there’s a lump in his throat. His mind is going back to the empty box in his sock drawer, to the ring he’d been saving for some day when Shawn got married that he knew all too well was currently in his son’s possession. “I’m going to ask her to marry me. Not right now, I mean… not any time soon, but she’s the one. I think she’s the only other woman I could ever see myself loving as much as I love you.”
Love. Not loved. No, he’ll always love her – she was his wife, and he’d abused that by cheating on her with his job. Now Karen is his job… she knows what it’s like to be a cop’s wife because she’s been married to the force just as long as he was.
He’s not shocked by Madeline’s silence, not even worried. She’s right, it’s troubling. It’s too soon. He has no right to be thinking about things like proposing and making good with her daughter. He should be thinking about their next date and whether or not he can afford to buy her that bracelet that he caught her looking at online.
“That’s nice.” She replies calmly, with that same clinical tone that she’s always used when she’s thinking like a psychologist and not a wife or a mother. “So, uh… your lady love got a name?”
Henry almost doesn’t tell her, but he knows it’s better to hear it from him than after Shawn finds out. “Karen.” He sighs, licking his lips before finishing; “Karen Vick.”
“As in Chief Vick? As in your boss?”
“As in my friend. Okay? Her marriage was falling apart and I… I was there to pick up the pieces.”
“That is just like you, Henry.” Her clinical tone vanishes, replaced with an almost bitter mix of humor and sarcasm; “You always feel like you need a project.”
“I know, Maddy… but this is different. She’s not like the roof or the boat or the coffee table… I really do love her.”
There’s another brief silence and he hears an intercom beep. “I have to go, Henry. Thank you for telling me, just… be careful, okay? Don’t rush this.”
“I won’t.” He swallows again, the words lingering on his lips even as he hears the line go silent; “Thank you.”
Henry pulls up in his truck ten minutes early - across the street. He still can't bring himself to park in her driveway even when her husband's car isn't there... somehow it just seems to make everything feel wrong. Just like walking into her house and feeling the tight squeeze of her life that he doesn't feel like he has the right to be part of.
Instead, he steps out of the truck in his pressed suit and leans against the door - watching the light in her bedroom window as he gives her a little extra time to get ready, her unmistakeable shadow dancing across the curtains. It's the sort of moment he loves, when he can just exist and love her without her even knowing it because when she looks him in the eyes it's written clear as day across the lines in his face.
After maybe five minutes of listening to the quite Santa Barbra evening, he sends a text:
Your chariot and driver await, m'lady.
Instead, he steps out of the truck in his pressed suit and leans against the door - watching the light in her bedroom window as he gives her a little extra time to get ready, her unmistakeable shadow dancing across the curtains. It's the sort of moment he loves, when he can just exist and love her without her even knowing it because when she looks him in the eyes it's written clear as day across the lines in his face.
After maybe five minutes of listening to the quite Santa Barbra evening, he sends a text:
Your chariot and driver await, m'lady.
Tao of Gus Fallout
Jul. 21st, 2012 01:59 pmThe case didn't sit right with Henry from the beginning, and it felt even more sketchy when Shawn called asking for help with only a vague guess about a traffic camera to go on. He had a sinking suspicion as he lingered at his desk after the detectives had left for the commune that his actions earlier wouldn't go unnoticed.
He can only hope they'd go unpunished.
When he hears the steady click of Karen's heels heading toward his desk, he looks up at her with his best innocent face and exhaled loudly.
"Hell of day, they catch the guy?"
He can only hope they'd go unpunished.
When he hears the steady click of Karen's heels heading toward his desk, he looks up at her with his best innocent face and exhaled loudly.
"Hell of day, they catch the guy?"
Milli-Verse: Vacation Part 2
Jul. 7th, 2012 08:09 pmWaking up wrapped in Karen's arms is perhaps the best thing Henry could possibly imagine - nuzzling into her sleep-matted hair and inhaling the sweet scent of day-old shampoo and her right there against him. For a long moment, he's afraid to move - afraid to break the moment and move on to a new one. It should scare him that he's so comfortable already, that he's throwing around words like 'love' so haphazardly... but that's what he's become with her. He doesn't just want her, he flat out needs her in his life now - and if that's not love, damn it... nothing is. Soon, though, it will be over - they'll have to go home and Lord knows if he'll ever get to be this close again.
Gently, he presses a kiss against the back of her neck and another to her bare shoulder, squeezing tight around her waist.
And then he feels her shift back against him and murmur something that may be his name and reflexively whispers; "Good morning, beautiful."
Gently, he presses a kiss against the back of her neck and another to her bare shoulder, squeezing tight around her waist.
And then he feels her shift back against him and murmur something that may be his name and reflexively whispers; "Good morning, beautiful."
After making arrangements with Karen for a weekend respite at Milliways, Henry slips back through the door and back into the hallway in front of the linen closet. After putting away the clean sheets, he sits down with a cold glass of iced tea to figure out just what he's going to do.
Shawn deserves to know, they're both adults and no matter what, he's gonna hear about it sooner or later. If he doesn't hear it directly from the horse's mouth he'll get it from Juliet or Gus... and that would only make it look like he's hiding things from him. And hell, he doesn't want to hide things from Shawn, there's just certain things that really shouldn't be talked about and Shawn's got a really bad habit of saying things he shouldn't.
After a few hours deliberation, he sends his son a text message:
Meet you at Psych office in 30 min, bringing dinner & beer. Me and you ONLY.
Shawn deserves to know, they're both adults and no matter what, he's gonna hear about it sooner or later. If he doesn't hear it directly from the horse's mouth he'll get it from Juliet or Gus... and that would only make it look like he's hiding things from him. And hell, he doesn't want to hide things from Shawn, there's just certain things that really shouldn't be talked about and Shawn's got a really bad habit of saying things he shouldn't.
After a few hours deliberation, he sends his son a text message:
Meet you at Psych office in 30 min, bringing dinner & beer. Me and you ONLY.
OOM: After Stumbling On Milliways
Apr. 4th, 2012 09:24 pmIt's been a couple days since they stumbled into some sort of shared hallucination (which is really the best thing he can think to call it) and neither one has broached the topic. For Henry's part, he's decided it's either too weird to talk about or never happened at all.
Instead, he's working late on Thursday night fixing paperwork that tried to claim Gus' car insurance as a state billable work expense. Nice try.
Just after seven, the station had gone more or less quiet - the steady din of the workday tapering off to the solemn click of a few keyboards punctuating the otherwise still environment. It was kind of nice... perfect time to grab a coffee and check out the snack machine for options to stave off dinner until he went home.
Instead, he's working late on Thursday night fixing paperwork that tried to claim Gus' car insurance as a state billable work expense. Nice try.
Just after seven, the station had gone more or less quiet - the steady din of the workday tapering off to the solemn click of a few keyboards punctuating the otherwise still environment. It was kind of nice... perfect time to grab a coffee and check out the snack machine for options to stave off dinner until he went home.
